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Monday, March 26, 2007
This blog is for you mom..
To my mom, happy-happy birthday!=)
I praise the Lord for having you in my life..
a woman of beauty, faith and joy.=)
Thank you for teaching me to be like you.
Love you so much!*kiss*
Posted at 08:44 pm by inhinyera
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This blog is for you mom..
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Dear Abba Father,
You know me more than I know myself. You know what's going through my head, and you understand everything, more than I understand it...
The revelations you've been giving me the past days overwhelms me.
It gives me so much joy that you're plan for me is laid down upto the last small detail.
I'm so amazed that even the things that are kept in my heart of hearts are special to You. Thank you, for loving me that much Father.
Today, I went to the altar when Pastor Brent ask for those who heard your call to be set apart for ministry...like paul and barnabas.
I knew that the Spirit led me infront..to kneel and receive the prayers of the saints.
Father, I'm putting my faith in You.
The future is unknown to me, the only thing that I am assured is that
You are there, and my future is for You.
I know that in my youth you have called me
to bring the gospel to the lost.
Equip me, prepare me, mold me.
I want to be ready
when it is time to GO.
I am your little girl who loves to cuddle you...
in these moments...
Moments that needs alot of faith.
Father, allow me to enjoy This Moment
wrapped in your arms, looking into your eyes
embracing the security only you can give.
I love You Father, my Life is for You.
Posted at 01:44 am by inhinyera
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This Moment.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
"I like DEAD END signs. I think they're kind...they at least have the decency to let you know you're going nowhere.." -Bugs Bunny
You've probably received this message through text. I received it alot of times and I had the same reaction everytime...
"I agree."
I can say that I've been a victim of uncertain roads...or in other illustration, stories that ended with elipses. Unclear ending.
But somehow, I also get that guilty feeling inside, because I, myself don't know how to put up the 'DEAD END' sign. Hehe. I guess it's one part of my immaturity, that I can't accept CLOSURE. I feel that there will always be something in the future, I just have to wait.
Wait...wait..and wait. I grown to love waiting. Ate ambs said that I'm the queen of waiting..but there are areas in my life that I need not to wait. That I need to CLOSE.
And last monday, I tried applying THIS.
I didn't plan it. It just happened. Someone called and the 'DEAD END' sign popped out from nowhere.. And I knew that it was time to MOVE ON and FOCUS on the road God gave me this year.
It was something I carried on for years, or maybe eons. It was lurking in my head and in my heart. But it was not God's will for me to be double minded and undecisive. He wants me to have a single heart, devoted to do HIS WILL.
And it helps to have that kind of moment, the DEAD END moment. It really gives me that "kindness and decency" to tell that the road is going nowhere..astig lang talaga.
Now, I'm just waiting for another sign to pop-out. And it's not another 'DEAD END' sign...
Instead I want to see this...
'START HERE'
..and enjoy the ride.=)
Posted at 08:02 pm by inhinyera
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Dead End.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Before the year ended, one of the things I remembered praying to God was...
"Lord, make me vulnerable."
I wasn't really sure of how God will answer that prayer. And I was not specific as to what degree of vulnerability I want God to give. My only purpose was, I want to have a feminine heart. And having a feminine heart means being vulnerable. (Umm.. right?)
I guess I was challenged by the book entitled CAPTIVATING by John & Stasi Eldredge. It just awaken the 'lady' in me which I thought was dead, decayed and gone. Hehe.
Of course, when you ask God that kind of prayer, He'll not give it to you in a box, like a chocolate cake. He'll teach you to walk in it until you get what you're asking. In short, He'll give you quizzes, exams and sometimes midterms...until you'll go back to HIm and say, " Lord, I changed my mind..I don't want to be vulnerable! It's so hard!"
Hehe. No just kidding...You'll go back and tell HIm that the journey was indeed perfect.
Right now, I'm taking those short quizzes.
Yeah, Vulnerability Quizzes.
And to tell you honestly, I feel that they're not quizzes..they're hard-complicated-ES 12 exams! (hehe, sorry favorite example ko talaga yang subject na yan..it kept me in college for an extra sem kasi.)
Anyway, 'the vulnerabilty quizzes' makes me cry at situations I'd rather shrug off in the past. It makes me crumble the walls of my heart and let the emotion penetrate, whether it's joyful or painful. I'm learning to embrace emotion. It's scary, but it feels good at the same time.
The only problem I have with these short quizzes are the uncontrollable tears...and system reactions. There I times that I easily cry and react on circumstances that surprises me. I'm not like that. In the past I tried to 'schedule' those tears...at teh right time and in the right place, when nobody sees me.
But it's not like that. Girls cry. Fast. And I'm a girl. So it's okay to cry. Fast. It doesn't make me less of a child of God if I cry. Fast. =)
I know I'm just beginning to learn and understand this 'girly thing' called vulnerability. And I haven't taken the hard lessons about it. But God is patient. The Holy Spirit teaches me to walk through it, everyday...he guides me .
Just this week I had a quiz (or probably I'd put that in the 'long exam' level). Until now, I'm still taking the quiz. Arrgh. I feel so vulnerable...the confusion, the pain, the questions, the emotions....mixes and jumbles in my heart like fresh fruits in a blender...in large proportion pa!
Hehe. Well, I've given up my right to take control to God. So I'll just be honest with Him and acknowledge all these 'foreign' things in my heart.
Coz I know He's in control...of everything.
Posted at 08:12 pm by inhinyera
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Vulnerability Lessons.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Did you ever felt your heart beat so fast and you don't know why? I mean, you feel weird about it because everything is normal and yet your heart makes this loud DUGDUG sound?
Weird, totally weird.
I know I've been drinking alot of 3 in 1 coffee lately, but the DUGDUG sound this afternoon was not just my usual palpitation from caffeine. It was something, something from the Spirit, and I have yet to find it out.
But it was a warm feeling...I know it was from God. I felt excited...sobrang excited!
Yun. Wala lang. Whatever this DUGDUG means, I knwo it's something beautiful because it's from Him.
Whew. Lakas talaga ng Kabog.
Posted at 02:20 am by inhinyera
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DUGDUG
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Last month, nilapitan ako ng technical manager ko. Sabi niya, magha-hire daw kaming dalawang bagong chemist at nagpapatulong siyang i-draft ang qualifications na ipo-post namin sa JobsDB.
Medyo natawa ako, kasi minsan nakakalimutan nilang bago pa lang ako sa work. Hehe. Ako daw ba tanungin sa qualifications?! Syempre sinagot ko...
" Ma'am mas maganda kung galing sa top schools like UP (naks, syempre love your own!), Ateneo, La Salle or UST para competitive ang lab! Syempre ok kung Chem Eng'g, pero okay din kung Chem."
"Tapos ma'am, dapat skilled...computer knowledge is a plus."
Sinusulat ng ma'am ko yung mga sinasabi ko...sabay humirit ako ng...
"tska mahalagang factor na...gwapo, mabait, patient, understanding, sweet..."
Napatigil ang Ma'am ko, sabay nagpa-mewang at sinabi na..
" Eh teka lang, mukhang di lang chemist hahanapin natin...sabay na natin ang search for Jam's boyfriend!"
Hahaha! Syempre tawanan na naman sa buong lab!
After ilang weeks, nakalimutan ko na na kukuha nga pala ng mga bagong chemist. Kanina, tinawag ulit ako ni Ma'am A. Sabi niya..
"Jam, tinawagan ko na mga applicants! Darating sila mamaya for interview! Oh eto basahin mo mga resume nila..tingnan mo kung may boyfriend-material...nasa file ko yung soft copy kung gusto mo ng colored pic"
Gosh, seryosohin daw ba ang Search for Jam's boyfriend?! Dapat pala nilagay sa baba ng Ad na kailangan ng full body shot at VTR.
Tiningnan ko naman. Sinipat-sipat. Yung isa may nakalagay na "Willing to Travel" yeah right. Padala natin sa buwan. Hehe. YUng isa naman pagti-next-twist ang apelido, parang "Ipis" ang lalabas. Kaya tuloy "ipis" tawag ni Ma'am A. Hehe.
Sayang kasi, di pwedeng mag-apply yung gusto ko eh.
Pagdating ng mga applicants, lahat ng mga nasa lab (including Ms. F na favorite person ko sa sales dept) ininform ako na andiyan na ang mga boyfriend-to-be ko. Hehe.
Nakakatawa talaga...ginamit pa ang kumpanya para makahanap ng applicants for... lab...lablyp. Haha.
Well, after ng interview...diretso sa table ko si Ma'am A...
"Jam, mas binata ka pa sa mga applicants."
Hehehe. Alam ko na ibig niyang sabihin. Ayun din dahilan kung bakit sa haba ng stay ko sa UP, wala akong naging crush na chem engg. Wahehe.
At sa totoo lang, wala silang nagustuhan sa tatlong applicant kanina...wala daw kasing bagay sa akin. May gulay! Sana wag nilang masyadong seryosohin! Hahaha!
Posted at 08:18 pm by inhinyera
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Wanted: Chemist
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
“Has God entrusted you with silence- a silence that is big
with meaning? God’s silences are His answers.
His silence is the sign that He is bringing you into a
marvelous understanding of Himself.
Are you mourning before God because you have not had an
audible response?
You will find that God has trusted you in the most intimate
way possible, with an absolute silence, not of despair, but of pleasure,
because He saw that you could stand a bigger revelation.
If God had given you a silence, praise Him, He is bringing
you into a great run of His purposes.
The manifestation of the answer in time is a matter of God’s
sovereignty. Time is nothing to God.
A wonderful thing about God’s silence is that the contagion
of stillness gets into you and you become perfectly confident—“I know God has
heard me.”
His silence is the proof that He has.
Utmost for the Highest
Posted at 07:56 pm by inhinyera
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God’s Silence
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